.Freak.

I once had a client (a young female, adjudicated to a lock down facility for criminal activity and severe drug dependency) tell me that she almost felt that she had to live in the realm of depression in order to appreciate the small things in life.  Hm, imagine that.  She described sitting at a window and watching snow flakes lick the pane, or holding a mug of cocoa and losing herself in time watching the steam rise from the chocolaty surface, or standing in the rain with her face up toward the sky, feeling every drop on her worn skin. 

I instantly understood and was able to connect with her on a level that neither she nor I realized existed.  See, she assumed one had to be "depressed" to sit and stop time while admiring the beauty in nature or even her own Swiss Miss.  She explained that she felt like a Freak. 
Me?  I told her that I must be a Freak too. 
Her eyes lit up. 
No one told her that it is OK to sit in peace.

This young girl had seen so much war and had done so much damage to her body throughout her short life; she simply didn't allow herself to have "peace".  She called her unique moments "depression" and was a Freak for spending time in silence. 

She went on to question why God allows for catastrophes, murder,  hate, loss... 
She cried.  She explained that she has to believe in something or she won't make it to see her future days.
It seemed that she was looking to surrender to Him; she just had so many questions.  See, she didn't know how to love.  Or trust. 
I found myself unable to answer her.  I did what I could; I consoled her and told her that I didn't have answers to her questions but that God has a plan for her and her story will change the lives of many if she is willing to share.
I think of her often.

Sometimes it's hard to look in the mirror. 
My name is Christine (Sunni) and there are few things in life that I am absolutely sure of:
1.  I'm 22.
2.  God is my Savior and sooner or later I will surrender my whole self to Him.
3.  God has sent me an Angel and is allowing me the pleasure of raising her as my daughter.
4.  My thoughts can be overwhelming.
5.  I was put on this earth to give to and love God's children as He tells me in Matthew 25:40.
6.  I have a long path ahead of me. 
Sometimes
 it
  seems
   that
    path
     is
      not
       always                             .Sunni.